Well, we made it through the viewing and the celebration service Monday and Tuesday. Both were packed. For the service, our church’s gymnasium had every available chair filled, plus an additional 100 or so who had to stand. Tyler was truly honored and celebrated, and it was wonderful.
Since the cemetery was only about a quarter mile from the church, Howard County police closed the roads to allow folks to walk to his gravesite, where bag pipes were playing Amazing Grace. Out of the over 800 who attended, I’d say about a quarter made the walk to the cemetery. Ron and I were both stunned and at the same time smiling that Tyler would have such a dramatic home going. How very like him!
Tyler’s casket was open for the visitation. Ron and I couldn’t believe how little he looked like our son. I was sad on behalf of his friends and others who hadn’t seen him in a long time, but I decided I was glad for myself since it was such a graphic reminder that it was no longer Tyler lying there anyway.
The night Tyler died, however, once they disconnected all his lines and tubing and machines, he looked just like himself for the first time in 7 weeks. That time with him the night of his death was precious. I loved the little smile that played on his lips; I believe what Tyler saw at the end was so awesome, so incredible, so wondrous, that he left the life he loved so much behind without a second glance.
During the viewing and service, we heard many beautiful things about our child that were so heartwarming. Throughout Tyler’s childhood, Ron and I would look at each other and say, “What did we do to deserve such an amazing son?” And in the past weeks, so many comments from others have made us realize he wasn’t just amazing to us, but that his circle of influence stretched very far.
Somehow Ron and I found the strength to speak at Tyler’s celebration service. Below is an excerpt of what I shared about Tyler’s last day on earth:
Early on the morning Tyler died, I received a precious gift of two envelopes. One contained a letter written by one of Tyler’s best friends from school, with a note asking me to read it to Tyler. The other envelope contained a letter from this girl’s mother, to me.
Her mom gave me the incredible gift of learning something about Tyler I hadn’t known. When his friend visited Ty in the hospital, apparently they had very deep conversations about spiritual things, and this girl’s relationship with God had been strengthened incredibly. Knowing that was a special gift that I will always treasure.
Then I read his friend’s letter. I was so impressed with her mature words of faith to Tyler. In the midst of the PICU’s noise and chaos, her words sank in, and I was suddenly overcome with the belief that Tyler was going to die rather than be healed.
Month after month, I had faithfully believed God would heal him. He HAD healed him two weeks earlier!
But in a flash, while reading that letter, God let me know that Tyler was not going to become the adult used by God to impact many for the Lord. No, it was going to be kids like this amazing girl, influenced by Tyler’s life and death, who were going to grow up to be the pastors, missionaries, evangelists, Sunday school teachers, and encouragers, reaching so many more of the lost than Tyler alone ever could.
In that beautiful moment, I realized this was why God had actively used Tyler at an earlier age than most. This was why Tyler came to a saving knowledge of Jesus when he was young. Why he was deeply compassionate and loving toward others at an age when most kids were focused on themselves. Why he was generous, friendly, and was able to draw others to him.
…Because God knew his future from the moment Tyler was created. He knew Ty would only have 15 1/2 short years on this earth. So instead of using Tyler the adult to impact many, He used Tyler the boy instead, to impact many other young people, young people God plans to call into His ministry some day. Tyler died hours after I had this revelation.
It has helped us immensely to frame his loss this way. Rather than focus on the tragic loss of such an unusually incredible boy who certainly would have grown up to be a stellar man, we have the memories of a boy whom God led to cram a lifetime of love and beauty and friendship and laughter into the 15 years he was blessed with.
Psalm 139: 15-16 When my bones were being formed, carefully put together in my mother’s womb, when I was growing there in secret, you knew that I was there – you saw me before I was born. The days allotted to me had all been recorded in your book, before any of them ever began.