Today I am overwhelmed with gratitude. October 18th will never be just another date on the calendar for me; it will always mark Tyler’s grand entrance into our world. And on this day, 17 years later, I cannot celebrate with Tyler in the flesh, but I can celebrate him with words. Today I choose to praise my God for what I can only describe as the most amazing gift I was ever given.
I’m sitting here early on the morning of Tyler’s 17th birthday, trying to find adequate words to describe the rich blessings my son brought to my life. Instead, I’ll use Tyler’s own words. Today my mind is drawn to two special Tyler-quotes that I treasure in my heart. Two quotes which represent years of special memories my adorable, precocious, tender-hearted boy gave me.
During Tyler’s funeral, his dad used the word astonishing to describe his son. I think the reason this first quote is so indelibly etched in my mind is that it was one of those astonishing moments. Tyler, in first grade at the time, and I arrived home late one evening. Ty scampered ahead of me into our darkened house. With all the lights off, we could see only a few feet in front of us.
Tyler turned to face me, exclaiming, “Mommy, it’s dark!” Then, his tone instantly transformed to hushed and serious and dramatic as he added, “But I can see you, and your smile…and it’s beautiful.” In the midst of being charmed off my feet, right then and there I instructed myself to remember those words verbatim so that I could always cherish them.
After Tyler died, I was desperate for little glimpses of him. He had a variety of video cameras, and I excitedly browsed each memory card. My boy’s words astonished me once again when I discovered footage of a message he filmed for me when he was ten years old – the quality was poor, which is probably why he never showed it to me. But I now have Tyler’s little boy voice, still hushed and serious and dramatic, which I can hear whenever I want, saying this:
I just wanted you to know that I love you. I love you so, so, so much. And nothing will ever change that. I love you. And I always will. Through any disaster, and just anything. I love you Mom. I love you.
Grateful? Yes, I am. Happy Birthday, Precious Son. Your life is a gift like none other.