In 2015, Facebook added a feature where former posts you’ve shared from years earlier pop up in your notifications. This past New Year’s Eve, Facebook announced, “Dianne, You have memories to look back on today…”
My post was from 5 years earlier, December 31, 2010:
A great verse for ringing in the New Year: “But the Lord says, ‘Do not cling to events of the past or dwell on what happened long ago. Watch for the new thing I am going to do. It is happening already – you can see it now! I will make a road through the wilderness and give you streams of water there.'” Isaiah 43:18-19
Reading this verse on the last day of 2015, I will admit, gave me some pause. Because with the promise of that verse on my heart, I had ushered in 2011, the year my son received his diagnosis of a rare form of Acute Myeloid Leukemia with extremely low survivability rates. The disease he fought tooth and nail until the day he died in early 2012.
So what about the promise of that New Year’s verse? As I re-read Isaiah’s words and contemplated them, I realized the promise in that verse could not have been more appropriate for a mother who was to endure the long days and nights of my child’s suffering, who was to bear the relentless fear for his future, who was to live with the persistent powerlessness to protect him.
I will make a road through the wilderness and give you streams of water there.
And He did make that road. And He did supply me with streams of sustaining water along that road. Over and over and over and over and over, I was lifted, carried, held, picked up off the floor, given the energy to face each new day and do it all over again.
Since New Year’s, I’ve been mulling over how best to relay my thoughts on the ways God fulfilled his promise, even in those last months of 2011 as my son walked his path to death.
How could I adequately capture, four years later, all the many ways the Lord supplied streams of water to nourish my soul? I decided to let the words I journaled during his illness tell the story.
I will make a road through the wilderness and give you streams of water there. (Joy)
September 8, 2011 “Serendipity means ‘unexpected joy.’ Who could imagine I’d find serendipity in the hours following my son’s diagnosis of cancer? But I have. I am overwhelmed by the outpouring of love and support from countless sources. Despite being too immobilized to answer people’s offers to help, Tyler, Ron and I have found ourselves the recipients of loving acts too numerous to name, even on day two of our journey. I hate the Acute Myeloid Leukemia that has invaded my son’s body so suddenly and frighteningly. But being surrounded by such love and support is making it impossible for me to fall into hopelessness. Thank you for being God’s arms wrapped so tightly around us right now.”
I will make a road through the wilderness and give you streams of water there. (Peace)
September 21, 2011 “We still find ourselves at peace. Not to say that stabs of intense fear don’t often strike, and not that we aren’t already exhausted by this even two weeks in, but we are comforted that Tyler is bathed in the prayers of so many beautiful, caring people. Those we know keep telling us of stories of perfect strangers in places like California, Texas, Costa Rica and Tanzania, who are praying for our son and for our family.”
I will make a road through the wilderness and give you streams of water there. (Comfort)
October 10, 2011 “Our family continues to be amazingly well cared for. I can’t even begin to summarize all folks are doing for us. If sheer love could cure cancer, Tyler would be home and in perfect health. Since it can’t, we’re happy to let the love of others carry us day by day. And we always have the perfect Love of our Father, who despite being the Creator of the Universe, cares about every detail of our lives. These verses were on a card we received, and bring much comfort….
-He collects every tear in a bottle (Psalm 56:8)
-He numbers every hair on your head. (Luke 12:7)
-He knows every hurt in your heart (Psalm 34:18)
-God cares, right down to the last detail (James 5:11)”
I will make a road through the wilderness and give you streams of water there. (Love)
November 11, 2011 “In the midst of fear, exhaustion and misery, our family knows we are so incredibly loved.”
I will make a road through the wilderness and give you streams of water there. (Trust)
November 21, 2011 “Those who know me well know that I’m a little crazily over the moon about my son. I can’t even begin to describe my love for Tyler. I swear that when I was pregnant with him, some of his essence passed through the umbilical cord into me, and I carry him in my heart and soul, my very being, each and every day. I love him so profoundly and feel so profoundly connected to him. I simply cannot imagine life without him. His suffering is my suffering. His fear and pain, I feel very deeply. I feel as if I would be lost, without purpose, without function if I ever lose him before I die. But no matter what, I believe God is faithful, He is good, He is loving, He is perfect. No matter my circumstances, that will not change!”
I will make a road through the wilderness and give you streams of water there. (Support)
November 23, 2011 “Tyler’s Facebook status today said, ‘I really, honestly love all of you.’ Tyler may be feeling weak, miserable, shattered by his appearance and isolated from his social life. He may be facing a very uncertain future. But he is also feeling embraced and loved in ways he’s never before experienced. It’s good the way God works.”
I will make a road through the wilderness and give you streams of water there. (Blessings)
December 6, 2011 “As I write this, it’s exactly three months to the minute that we found out Tyler had leukemia. It’s so hard to believe that he was admitted to JHH with a diagnosis of AML that long ago. In some ways the time has sped by (how can it be December already?); in others it feels like we’ve been doing this for a lifetime. We’ve had three months to stare this disease in the face and to face its treatment, which has made Tyler suffer so much.
While much has been stolen from life as we knew it, we’ve been given much as well. How many parents get to spend hours on end, day after day, with their teenage child? I cherish all the hours Ty and I have snuggled together in his hospital bed, talking or just quietly absorbing strength from each other. I love and respect and admire this terrific young man so much, and being his mother is the best gift ever.
These past three months, Tyler has spent all but 12 days hospitalized. As a result, our lives have been enriched by getting to know the amazingly wonderful pediatric oncology staff here. From the doctors and nurses to the cleaning crew and food service personnel, these people have brightened our lives by loving and caring for our son. I have never doubted for a minute that they are completely invested in nothing less than a total cure for Tyler.
In the past three months, Ron and I have been continually blessed with the love and support of close friends, family, and co-workers as well as folks we hadn’t even met before. We have reconnected with those whom a busy life often relegated to the back burner, and connected for the first time with those who have become new friends and partners in our fight for Tyler’s health and healing.
We have learned that things that seemed vastly important in our lives, aren’t. And that things that didn’t seem important before, are the only things that really matter.
I don’t mean to paint a rosy picture. These past three months have been hellacious. Day after day I wake up and say, ‘I don’t want this!’ The roads back and forth from the hospital are often blurred by my tears. But the point I want to make is that God never wastes a hurt. I always knew this intellectually, but now I’ve experienced it. There seems to be no pain which doesn’t also bring about a blessing.”
I will make a road through the wilderness and give you streams of water there. (Provision)
December 16, 2011 “I just have to share some stories of how God is taking care of us during this ordeal. The past few weeks, we’ve had serious car trouble. Our car had to go to the shop twice in three days, with a really huge repair cost. While our car was in the shop for the second time, our truck’s brakes started giving Ron trouble, and we discovered it had a ruptured brake line as well as other brake issues. This was another huge repair. The same day we paid for the car, someone dropped by our house with two separate fundraiser/donation checks that totaled the cost of the repair almost to the dollar! Three days after paying for the truck’s repair bill, we received a fundraising check in the mail (we didn’t even know about this fundraiser), again, covering the cost almost to the penny!
This amazing story of God’s providential care is just one of many we’ve experienced. I was really stressed about decorating our house for Christmas. On one hand, I wanted Tyler to see the house decorated when he comes home from the hospital, but on the other hand, I didn’t want to spend precious hours away from him to do so. One day I returned home from the hospital to discover our house completely decorated, compliments of my sisters-in-law and Michelle and TJ.
That same day, a Chapelgate parent came to our house to help Ron cut down a large tree that needed to come down. Another Chapelgate family donated the use of a chipper/shredder for the tree’s removal. Also, my co-worker’s husband, who is a contractor, donated his time to meet with Ron to help prioritize what work we need to do to get our house’s mold issues taken care of before Tyler comes home after his transplant. He also offered to help Ron with the work. I could go on and on with ways we’ve been blessed and cared for by others.
So while we could easily fall into despair when Ty gets really ill, or things break down, or when other stresses come our way, we don’t. We know God is taking good care of us!”
I will make a road through the wilderness and give you streams of water there. (Perfect timing)
December 20, 2011 “We are very mindful of just how blessed we’ve been to have Tyler home for his birthday, then Thanksgiving, and now Christmas and New Year’s. His doctor today said the timing of this count recovery and discharge really defied expectations.”
And I was reminded recently of another way God refreshed my soul with streams of water on the very last day of 2011. Just as this past New Year’s Eve Facebook reminded me of the promise I had claimed for the new year of 2011, Facebook had this message for Tyler’s page:
Tyler, Remember This?
Here’s a post we thought you might want to look back on. From all of us at Facebook, we hope you enjoy the memory.
Tyler’s post was from New Year’s Eve 2011. Written after months of suffering indescribable sickness. After months of social isolation from his friends. After physically-altering hair loss, weight loss, and disfiguring rashes. After being forced to face his own mortality and a very uncertain future. With the following words, my 15-year-old son summed up 2011:
December 31, 2011 “It’s been an incredible year.”
I will make a road through the wilderness and give you streams of water there.