Six years ago today, I watched a miracle unfold before my eyes.
Because my son ultimately succumbed to his illness, it’s been easy for me to thrust this miracle far into the recesses of my mind for much of the time. But with each passing year, I become more and more troubled as March 15th approaches, needing to make some sense of God’s absolute, unequivocal, supernatural intervention in my son’s life that night.
The short version is that before dying on March 29th, my son spent hours dying on March 15th. But then, right in front of his parents, his aunt, his pastor, and a disbelieving Johns Hopkins PICU and oncology medical team, Tyler came back to life.
On the 15th, I spoke heart-wrenching goodbyes to my only son, a boy so precious to me that his parting from this world was simply incomprehensible. Also on the 15th, I was thrust into the most unthinkable joy – the joy that he was given back to us, in complete defiance of modern medicine.
If only the story had ended there. But it didn’t. Two weeks later, I again lay next to my son. Spoke heart-wrenching goodbyes. And watched him die. This time, there was no miraculous coming back to life.
So what was the point of that miracle? What was its purpose, its meaning? Six years later, I believe I have finally settled upon an answer. But first indulge me, if you will, while I describe that March 2012 night at the Johns Hopkins Pediatric ICU.
Some of you reading this today were following Tyler’s journey online when the miracle transpired. You’ll recall the three witness accounts of Tyler’s miracle. I wrote one, his dad wrote one, and Tyler’s pastor wrote one. Below are excerpts from these accounts, arranged chronologically.
Mom:
Last evening, (15th), Tyler’s condition deteriorated quickly as he lost huge amounts of blood via his GI tract, and his organs started to shut down. A team worked on him for around an hour right around shift change. In the midst of the chaos, Ron and I were holding on to Tyler’s feet, with our eyes glued to his vital signs monitor. We saw right when Tyler lost his battle. Despite being on 100% oxygen, being bagged, and even being switched from the oscillator to an APRV vent, then to a conventional vent (all last ditch efforts), Tyler’s oxygen levels kept dropping.
Dad:
Tyler was already starting to fail. Changing the oscillator out did nothing to stop his downward trajectory. Everyone was in crisis mode as multiple staff tried to maintain Tyler’s blood pressure and oxygen saturation levels to no avail. So to honor our wishes, the attending asked for a regular vent to be rushed to Tyler’s room as a last ditch effort. But I knew perfectly well that if you can’t make it on an oscillator, you’re not going to make it on any other ventilation mode. At this point I called our pastor, Kevin Hardy, in a panic to put out an urgent prayer request.
Pastor Kevin:
Last night, my phone rang. I looked at my caller ID and saw that it was from Ron McGinn. My heart sinks when I get calls from him. He said Pastor Kevin, please put out an immediate prayer request for Tyler. He is in crisis and the doctors are trying to save him. Then he hung up the phone. I could tell it was urgent and scary just from the tone in his voice. My heart was pounding as I prayed for Tyler and drove way too fast down the highway. I wanted to get there as quick as possible, before anything happened.
Dad:
As the team tried to save Tyler’s life, Dianne and I actually watched as 3 liters of blood passed out of Tyler’s body. The attending PICU doc and Tyler’s oncology fellow pulled us out of Tyler’s room and said, “I’m very sorry, but this is it.” We trusted these two doctors since they had advocated for Tyler the most. Dianne and I were stricken with emotion. We were holding each other and crying, including the doctors.
Mom:
When there was nothing medically left to do, the doctor finally looked at us and said it was time for them to get Tyler cleaned up a bit so that we could have our last moments with him. Ron and I waited across the hall for what seemed a very long time, sobbing, holding each other, notifying family.
Pastor Kevin:
As I got to the 7th floor of the PICU, I made my way to Tyler’s room. There were about 7-8 doctors or nurses in the room. Tyler looked gray and I could tell he was dying. I have been around death many times, so I knew right away that this was the end. A nurse looked at my name badge and then directed me to a room across the hall where the family had gathered with two doctors. As I walked into the room, I was overwhelmed with grief and pain. Ron and Dianne were both crying. The doctors were crying. They were hugging each other. The doctors were expressing their sorrow and the McGinns were expressing their appreciation to the doctors for all they had done for Tyler. At that moment, I realized it was over. It was time to help this family let go! I did not say much; I just sat with them and listened. Words really don’t matter at these times.
Dad:
We discussed some of the funeral arrangements with Pastor Kevin, and he encouraged us not to think about it at this time. The treatment team knew what our wishes were regarding the last moments with our son, so they started to clean Tyler up and prep the room and his body so that we could be with our son until he slipped away. It seemed like a very long time before they came in to notify us that Tyler was ready.
Pastor Kevin:
The doctors told Ron and Dianne that they were preparing Tyler for them. They were cleaning him up so Dianne and Ron could be with him as he breathed his final breath. Tyler’s only concern was that he would not die alone, so Dianne was going to lie down in bed and hold him as he passed away. My heart was so broken, but I was numb! I was in shock! As we all sat in the little room waiting for the doctors to give the okay to Ron and Dianne, we began to talk about Tyler’s funeral. Then the conversation would switch back to the present grief of Tyler passing away. Tears would stream down Dianne’s face as she was overwhelmed with grief.
Pastor Kevin:
Just before the doctors gave the McGinns the okay to go in the room with Tyler, Dianne looked at Ron and said, “What happens if Tyler is healed while I am lying in bed holding him?” Ron looked at her and smiled, “We will just Praise God!!” I sat and watch this exchange with amazement! I thought to myself, they still believe that God is going to heal him!
Mom:
Then I climbed into bed with Tyler for the last time. I told him how amazing Heaven was going to be for him, how beautiful and perfect and pain-free and sorrow-free. Ron and I said all our last words to him, all the while still hoping for a miracle.
Dad:
I was gripped with emotion as I walked into his room. It is one thing to be told your son is dying as you struggle to accept it, but it is another to see it. There is no other way to describe how Tyler looked other than already dead, even though the new ventilator was making his chest rise and fall. Dianne climbed into bed next to him, and I held onto Tyler’s cold hand, wept and told him what an honor it was to have him as a son. We told him how proud we were of his strength and accomplishments in life and how heaven was going to be a great place. We assured him we would help take care of some of his friends and make sure they were OK. We asked him not to worry about us, that God would carry us through. Dianne and I were speaking to him nonstop, thinking that our voices would be the last thing he heard before his heart stopped.
Pastor Kevin:
As Ron and Dianne went into the room with Tyler, my heart sank! I started to shed some tears! I was upset and troubled! So many people had prayed; we just had an amazing Prayer Vigil the night before, and I wanted to see a miracle. The doctors said it could be 1-2 hours for his body to fully shut down because his heart was so strong. I thought again to myself, how heart wrenching for Ron and Dianne! I stood in the hallway waiting and praying.
Mom:
His oncology Fellow, who first met Tyler on 9/7/11, said her goodbyes and cried as well – she had come to love Tyler. As we watched the monitors, we saw his levels sink lower and lower. Tyler’s sister and brother-in-law arrived, as well as a couple from church. Each spent time with him.
Dad:
I watched the monitor as his vitals decreased nearer and nearer to death, then told Dianne that I thought it was coming more quickly than we originally anticipated. Tyler’s pulse ox was heading towards the 30%s, and his BP dipped to 41/27. I buried my face against Dianne’s body and waited for the end.
Dad:
I am not sure how much time lapsed, but Dianne suddenly asked me, “How come Tyler’s vitals are doing that?” I looked at the monitor and saw that Tyler’s pulse ox was at 83-84% and that his BP was in the normal range. I explained to Dianne that this was his body’s last ditch effort for survival and that he would be taking a sharp dive very soon. I was shocked the next time I looked at the monitor to see Tyler’s pulse ox was in the 86-87% range and that he was now hypertensive and had a heart rate of 120. I left the room and asked Tyler’s doctors what was up with his vitals. One of them explained that this happens and that he was getting a lot of emergent medication. I explained that I had seen this before, but never this long. As I was walking back to the room, one of the doctors stated, “Ron, he’s not coming back.”
Mom:
We noticed his O2 levels were climbing. Everyone thought it was Tyler’s body making a final effort to fight before it quit. Finally, his transplant doctor came in and said they’d like to take a blood gas. It showed Tyler was ventilated well, but not oxygenated well, and confirmed for the doctors that he only had hours left.
Pastor Kevin:
About 45 minutes after the McGinns went into the room with Tyler, Ron came out and asked the doctors why his vital signs were improving. The doctors assured Ron that this was normal, but said emphatically Tyler was going to pass away. Ron looked at me and said, “I think God is doing a miracle.” Dianne began to shift from talking to Tyler about heaven to praying for his healing.
Mom:
Ron left the room for a moment, and I lay with Tyler some more. Instead of talking to him as I had been, I started praying. Thinking of the Centurion who asked Jesus to heal his servant who was far away by just speaking the word (Luke 7:1-10), I asked God to speak life into my boy’s lungs, heart, stomach, etc. I prayed this over and over, naming as many organs as I could think of. While I prayed, many, many others were praying as well.
Dad:
After being in the room for 15-20 more minutes and seeing Tyler’s pulse ox now hanging between 93-94% and still remaining hypertensive, I left the room a second time and met with the doctors. I asked how long do we let this go on before resuming treatment? Tyler’s transplant doctor suggested getting a blood gas which initially came back with expected poor results. The PICU attending shared the results and gave us the option of discontinuing the meds that were keeping him alive so that he could die a natural death. The doctor left the room and Dianne was silent. I went back out to the nurse’s station and told the treatment team that I know my wife and that she is going to want to hold on to him as long as she can. Tyler’s doctors were extremely respectful of all our decisions and very caring and supportive.
Mom:
Tyler’s attending doctor said when we were ready, they would stop his blood pressure medicines so that he could “die naturally.” All this time, he remained on the conventional ventilator with all his sedatives and paralytics. Ron and I were not ready to stop the blood pressure meds yet, so we remained with him.
Dad:
When I walked back into Tyler’s room and saw that his pulse ox was 96-97%, I couldn’t believe it! I started to pray silently for God to save my son. I also told Tyler that it was not over just yet. We had told Tyler earlier that it was okay to stop fighting and that it was okay to let go.
Pastor Kevin:
The door was open to Tyler’s room, so I decided to go in and see Tyler. I could not believe my eyes: his color was good, he looked peaceful, his vital signs were improving. Dianne gave me a smile, and I said to myself, “Could this be a miracle?” I remembered back to the time when I heard the news about Tyler’s Leukemia, I asked God to show me a miracle with my own eyes. I have read about them and heard other accounts, but I wanted to see one with my own eyes. I said, “Lord could it be?” All these thoughts were racing through my head, as time seemed to stand still. Over the next few hours, the doctors were all without explanation for this sudden turn of events. One of Tyler’s doctors looked at me and put her hands up and shook her head with disbelief. [T]his was beyond her! God was doing something beyond the doctors. Tyler was improving right before our eyes!
Dad:
Another blood gas was ordered, but this time we were all astonished by the results. Tyler was actually being over ventilated and his blood gas oxygen level was better than it had been since he was first intubated. Now they started adjusting his ventilator (which I still thought was set to APRV setting but was actually set at conventional settings, which are the harshest on the lungs). I couldn’t believe my ears – how did Tyler bypass the intermediate settings (APRV) and was now starting to do well on a regular vent? Unbelievable! I kept going from Tyler’s room, to the waiting area where friends and family were, back to the nurse’s station. We were all in disbelief and amazement, except for Dianne’s sister who was just smiling.
Mom:
Baffled by his O2 levels which rose into the 90s, they drew another blood gas. This one showed Tyler was over-ventilated, so they actually weaned his settings down on the conventional ventilator, but kept his O2 at 100%. The doctor came in again. She had noticed Tyler’s blood pressure rising, so she wanted to come down a little on one of his pressors. They drew another blood gas. This one caused them to wean him down to settings that are considered very typical, settings he had never seen since being intubated over four weeks ago. When they left, I kept repeating my prayer. We weren’t sure what to think – the doctors weren’t really saying how to interpret all this. Finally things clearly switched over from facilitating a child’s last moments with his parents to taking care of a living patient!
Dad:
At this time Tyler had his color back, and I noticed that his nostrils were flaring out as he was being ventilated and was taking breaths on his own between the vent cycles. Tyler’s pulse ox was now between 99-100%, so they actually started weaning his O2 levels. Again, unbelievable! I had to just sit down and soak all this in. I was thinking to myself, is this really a miracle?
Mom:
Tyler started noticeably blinking his closed eyes, an act that was medically impossible on the amount of paralytics he was taking. People started laughing and smiling in his room. He was weaned down to 60% oxygen on the vent. Then, of all things, Tyler started to move his head, not like he had been for the past four weeks, but more purposefully.
Dad:
Dianne shouted, “Ron, come in here!” Tyler was squinting his eyes, and it made me start crying all over again. I was so excited that I said, “Tyler, this is your dad, blink your eyes if you hear and understand me.” And he did! I had to make sure it wasn’t a coincidence so I asked Ty to squint his eyes again, and he did. Due to Tyler being without oxygen for so long I wondered about any damage to his brain, but here was a quick mental status check that he passed with flying colors.
Mom:
Seeing that Tyler was regaining consciousness, the doctor rushed to his side, and Ron and I drew close to talk to him and comfort him. Unbelievably, we saw him use great effort to wrinkle his forehead and squint his eyes. Ron asked him to squint his eyes again if he could hear us. Almost immediately, he did it again! At this point everyone was in tears. We understood what everyone else understood: Tyler’s obvious awareness and purposeful movements shouldn’t have been possible given the high dose of paralytics and sedatives he was on. It was so evident that something amazing and supernatural had taken place!
Pastor Kevin:
About four hours after the McGinns went into the room to say goodbye to Tyler, Tyler began to move around, squint his eyes and move his head. Ron, Dianne, Karen (Dianne’s sister – who had been a quiet strong presence all evening), Doctor Kristen, the nurse on duty and myself were all present when Ron asked Tyler to squint his eyes if he could hear him. To all of our amazement he responded instantly! This is a young man who was under heavy sedation for 4-5 weeks! We were all blown away and began to give each other high fives! It was clear to me at this point, Tyler was not going to die! God had touched him and my heart was overwhelmed by His power! I stayed just a little while longer. The McGinns were going to stay with Tyler all night. Before I left, I prayed with Tyler and the McGinns. I had peace and I could rest! As I made my way home slowly, tears rolled down my face as I sang to the Lord and praised Him!
Dad:
Time passed, and the joy on everyone’s heart was overwhelming. The attending PICU doctor asked if it was okay to get a chest xray of Tyler’s lungs now. She asked for our consent because we still weren’t exactly sure how stable Tyler was at this time, and the movement of getting an xray could destabilize him. Nonetheless, we agreed. When the xray came back, the PICU attending threw her arms in the air and said, “There it is!” Again we were all astonished at what we were looking at; two very different xrays taken only 5 hours apart. Look at the before and after photo and see for yourself. The doctors assured us that there was no way any intervention they provided could have produced the same results.
Side by side before and after photos. From cloudy to clear.
Mom:
The doctor was too curious about what had happened in Tyler’s lungs to wait for the 6AM xray, and ordered a stat xray. She was astounded and grinning as she showed us the before and after xrays – Tyler’s lungs look better than they have in weeks! In fact, the lower lobes of his lungs haven’t looked this good since his lungs first got in trouble.
Pastor Kevin:
I got home around 2AM and just before I went to bed, my cell phone rang! It was Ron McGinn. This time his voice was filled with true joy and excitement. He said a new x-ray showed that Tyler’s lungs were the best they had been in over 4 weeks. The rest of the story is still being written. Tyler still has a long ways to go. But I am confident in the ONE who has done amazing things so far! God is able to do exceedingly more than I could ever dream or imagine! God is able! All for His Glory! Keep praying and keep believing!
Dad:
The giddiness, excitement, and joy of this day and the events that took place could never be described in words. I felt secure enough to actually go home; yes, Tyler was going to be all right.
Mom:
As I write this in Tyler’s PICU room, Tyler has just opened his eyes three different times! Those beautiful, beautiful eyes! I don’t know what else to put here other than Tyler looks peaceful for the first time since he got sick in late January. He actually looks as if he’s sleeping. I can’t think much more to write coherently, but I’m sure I’ll have more to report on Tyler later today. We still don’t know if his stomach bleeding is continuing, or if that was miraculously healed as well. We are stunned, jubilant, exhausted, and praising the Lord!!!! The doctors had nothing more they could do; God gets all the glory!!!
Mom:
Ron and I just keep breaking out in big, goofy grins today. Tyler has become something of a spectacle on the unit – the staff slow down and peer in as they walk past his room. Lots of smiles all around! The day shift from yesterday surely didn’t expect to see Tyler still here this morning. The night shift is still talking about what they witnessed last night. I have spoken with doctors and nurses who emphasized that while they have seen some amazing things happen in the PICU, they have NEVER before seen anything even remotely close to what happened to Tyler, whose body was much too far into the dying process to be helped. While God clearly brought Tyler from imminent death back to life (I still can hardly process what I saw with my very own eyes!), he still has many obstacles to overcome.
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A miracle.
My boy. My boy’s nurses had cleaned him up and prepped him for death. My boy’s vital signs had plummeted. My boy’s organs began dying, getting no oxygenated blood. That dying boy, who had spent the past four weeks on enough sedatives and paralytics to keep an elephant down, OPENED HIS EYES.
HIS EYES. On this astonishing night, before they opened, they had closed. You have to understand… Tyler’s eyelids hadn’t been capable of shutting for weeks. The paralytics prevented this. Day after day, his eyes stared sightlessly, fixed and unblinking. It had unsettled me terribly all these weeks. But as God wrought His miracle that night, paralyzed lids relaxed. And then, they opened.
A miracle. A rare modern-day display of God’s power in front of many witnesses.
But why? He died only two weeks later. So why?
My most treasured memory from that entire night is Tyler’s doctor rushing to his side when he began to move with purpose. When he started wrinkling his forehead and squinting his eyes, she laughed out loud, bent down, and gripped his face jubilantly between her hands. Cradling his head with hers only inches away, she murmured words of reassurance to him that I no longer recall. I was entranced by the wonder on her face, the wonder in her voice. Her eyes… well, the best I can describe is that they radiated unbridled joy and love.
While singing a song in church recently, a particular verse suddenly took on deep significance. The lyrics transported me back to that night. I vividly re-experienced Dr. Nelson’s delighted face, her gentle hands and wonder-filled voice.
And everything suddenly clicked for me related to the purpose of what God had done that night.
The verse was from “Spirit of the Living God” and went like this: When You come in the room, when You do what only You can do, it changes us. It changes what we see, and what we seek. You’re changing everything.
When You come in the room… I pictured that doctor in my son’s room. Her face, beatific. Exuding the presence of God. He was there that night. Of that, those of us who were present had no doubt.
When You do what only You can do… He brought dying lungs to life, a dying child to life. He opened eyes no human intervention could open.
It changes us… God entered that room and healed Tyler. But Tyler wasn’t the only one changed that night. Those two weeks between Tyler’s healing and his death, his story spread like wildfire. Thousands signed up to follow his story on Caringbridge.
It changes what we see, and what we seek… God entered Tyler’s room on March 15th. Here are some of the testimonies that resulted:
Tyler, I want you to know that you changed the trajectory of our family. While praying for you, most times literally on my knees, I formed an intimate relationship with God that I not only never had, but never knew was possible. Because of you, as a family we pray harder, believe deeper, and love stronger.
I’ve never prayed for someone so hard that I didn’t know. Again, your faith has inspired so many of us to renew our faith and hope in Christ.
Our faith has been strengthened, and those of our friends and family that have been praying along with us, too. It “woke up” the faith of some as well.
I don’t know any of your personally, but I’ve witnessed my very first miracle with you.
One part of me is so sad for Tyler and his family but another part of me is renewed because I can feel the love of so many people. Finally, the Body of Christ is one and so many of us are working and praying together. And to think that our Lord chose one young boy to accomplish such a great feat!
Many people I know now have a stronger prayer life because they have stormed the gates of heaven for Tyler. We experienced a big miracle seeing Tyler’s body healed. And I will forever be grateful that I was able to see God’s mighty hand.
This story of love and hope is making deep impacts way out here in the Midwest!
I have been sharing Tyler’s miracle with everyone I know — people from church, people from work, nonbelievers and believers who have been needing to see that God still moves.
Thank you so much for helping us keep faith in our God and remembering he can HEAL.
Through all this I have gotten closer to God than I ever have been.
My own daughter was saved because of this.
I have grown in my understanding of God.
Your son made a prayer Warrior out of me! I learned of his immediate needs for prayers and I prayed more and more, then I heard about the Miracle and I prayed harder. Tyler taught me to pray again, with fervor, with honesty and with understanding again.
You have changed me, Tyler McGinn, through Jesus Christ.
Was God ultimately powerful enough to miraculously heal Tyler? He was. We had seen it. Did he use His power to save Tyler’s life two weeks later? No, He did not. Had I expected Him to? Oh, I had. I absolutely was certain that He would again intervene.
Today is March 15th. For six years I’ve needed to make some sense of God’s absolute, unequivocal, supernatural intervention in my son’s life. For six years I’ve sought an answer to the question, “Why, Lord, did you heal Tyler only to allow him to die two weeks later?” Finally, ultimately, while singing a song in church, I discovered the correct question:
What, Lord, have you continued to do in our lives since that miraculous night…
when you came into that room
when you did what only you could do
when you changed us
when you changed what we see and what we seek?
Jeremiah 32:27
I am the LORD, the God of all the peoples of the world. Is anything too hard for me?