At 8:59 in the morning 16 years ago, my life was forever changed, forever blessed, as we welcomed Tyler into this world.
Three years ago, I wrote a birthday letter to Tyler, welcoming him to adolescence. The other week, when I finally built up the courage to go through Tyler’s keepsake drawer, I discovered the letter. Tyler had saved it.
If I had known that a mere two years later Tyler would spend his 15th birthday battling leukemia, unable to attend school with his friends, dealing with the loss of his self-image, facing an uncertain future, would I have written something different in that letter to prepare him?
If I had known that three years later his dad and I would commemorate Tyler’s 16th birthday at his burial site, would I have written something different in that letter to prepare him?
This is what I wrote to Tyler that day:
October 18, 2009
Dear Tyler,
My most precious son is a teenager! I want you to know how proud I am of you and how wonderful I think it is that you are growing closer and closer to manhood. This song (below) always brings tears to my eyes. It expresses so well my feelings, thoughts, and dreams for you as you grow. You are a son who just makes love well up in my heart and makes me want the very, very, very best for you. I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that God has something amazing planned for you! Happy 13th birthday, Tyler! May you embark today on a joy-filled journey!
Love,
Mom
“Find Your Wings” by Mark Harris
It’s only for a moment you are mine to hold.
The plans that heaven has for you
will all too soon unfold.
So many different prayers I’ll pray,
For all that you might do.
But most of all I’ll want to know
you’re walking in the truth.
And if I never told you,
I want you to know,
As I watch you grow:
I pray that God would fill your heart with dreams!
And that faith gives you the courage
to dare to do great things!
I’m here for you whatever this life brings –
So let my love give you roots,
and help you find your wings.
May passion be the wind
that leads you through your days.
And may conviction keep you strong,
and guide you on your way.
May there be many moments
that make your life so sweet;
Oh, but more than memories,
I pray that God would fill your heart with dreams!
And that faith gives you the courage
to dare to do great things!
I’m here for you whatever this life brings –
So let my love give you roots,
and help you find your wings.
It’s not living, if you don’t reach for the sky!
I’ll have tears as you take off,
but I’ll cheer as you fly!
I pray that God would fill your heart with dreams!
And that faith gives you the courage
to dare to do great things!
I’m here for you whatever this life brings –
So let my love give you roots,
and help you find your wings.
Tyler, I love you!!!!!!!
If I had known the future the day I wrote that letter (and I’m so glad I didn’t), maybe I wouldn’t have changed a word.