Tyler’s grave marker was finally erected last Friday at Good Shepherd Cemetery. On my way home from work that day, I stopped by, excited to see it. I prepared for some hard-hitting grief, since what speaks death with more finality than a grave marker inscribed with the date of your child’s last day on earth?
As I wound through the cemetery’s narrow road, I caught sight of Tyler’s new bench. And my first response was not a wave of grief, but a sad smile. I parked and approached the bench. Yes, it is his final marker of life on earth. But the memorial itself is an incredibly fitting representation of our boy.
The black granite gleams in the sun. Bright and inviting, just like Tyler was. The bench seats two, although three could squeeze in. Offering a comfortable respite for friends, just like Tyler did. In a sea of headstones, the bench stands out uniquely from the rest. Special and exceptional, just like Tyler was. The bench offers plenty of space for engraving, allowing us to permanently honor his favorite Bible verse, his love for his church and school, and his role as beloved son, brother and friend.
This memorial stands gloriously in a tiny cemetery in a small town in Maryland. Tyler lived gloriously both in and beyond his small community. Always excited about opportunities to minister, before his 15th birthday Tyler had traveled outside Maryland on missions trips to share the Good News of his faith to children in Costa Rica, Tennessee, Virginia and Pennsylvania. Locally, this past summer would have been Tyler’s fifth year leading a crew of kids for our church’s vacation Bible school. He loved it and they loved him. I’ve received numerous notes of how Tyler, not wanting anyone to be on the social outskirts, included everyone in smiling, encouraging ways. How he stretched out a comforting hand and cheerful word even to the adults in his circle who may be hurting.
A woman at my church – a cancer survivor – who knew Tyler from the time he was in diapers, wrote these words after Tyler died to let Ron and I know how our son touched her life and that of others:
Things Tyler Taught Me
- Go out of your way to make someone feel special.
- Hug well.
- Never miss an opportunity to share Jesus with someone.
- Never stop singing praises and love songs to Jesus.
- Nurture the love of family.
- Laughter can be good medicine.
- Never give up.
- Keep smiling no matter what the circumstances.
- Honor your parents.
- Give God the glory in all things – the good and what, at first appearance, seems bad.
- Teens can and do teach adults when we open our eyes to them.
- Finish the race well.
Tyler’s memorial bench was not inexpensive; it was made possible by many generous people. It’s been hard waiting these past six months to actually see it. Ron and I spent a lot of time designing something we hoped would do our son justice. Now that it finally stands, so beautifully honoring our Tyler, we’ve decided it was worth the wait.