As I write this, it’s exactly three months to the minute (midnight) that we found out Tyler had leukemia. It’s so hard to believe that he was admitted to JHH with a diagnosis of AML that long ago. In some ways the time has sped by (how can it be December already?); in others it feels like we’ve been doing this for a lifetime. We’ve had three months to stare this disease in the face and to face its treatment, which has made Tyler suffer so much.
While much has been stolen from life as we knew it, we’ve been given much as well. How many parents get to spend hours on end, day after day, with their teenage child? I cherish all the hours Ty and I have snuggled together in his hospital bed, talking or just quietly absorbing strength from each other. I love and respect and admire this terrific young man so much, and being his mother is the best gift ever.
These past three months, Tyler has spent all but 12 days hospitalized. As a result, our lives have been enriched by getting to know the amazingly wonderful pediatric oncology staff here. From the doctors and nurses to the cleaning crew and food service personnel, these people have brightened our lives by loving and caring for our son. I have never doubted for a minute that they are completely invested in nothing less than a total cure for Tyler.
In the past three months, Ron and I have been continually blessed with the love and support of close friends, family, and co-workers as well as folks we hadn’t even met before. We have reconnected with those whom a busy life often relegated to the back burner, and connected for the first time with those who have become new friends and partners in our fight for Tyler’s health and healing.
We have learned that things that seemed vastly important in our lives, aren’t. And that things that didn’t seem important before, are the only things that really matter.
I don’t mean to paint a rosy picture. These past three months have been hellacious. Day after day I wake up and say, “I don’t want this!” The roads back and forth from the hospital are often blurred by my tears. But the point I want to make is that God never wastes a hurt. I always knew this intellectually, but now I’ve experienced it. There seems to be no pain which doesn’t also bring about a blessing.
This year a new song came on the radio which is really thought-provoking for me. Although the music is not really my style, the lyrics speak volumes about blessings and trials. Here are the words to Laura Story’s “Blessings.”
We pray for blessings, We pray for peace. Comfort for family, protection while we sleep. We pray for healing, for prosperity. We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering. All the while, You hear each spoken need, Yet love us way too much to give us lesser things!
‘Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops? What if Your healing comes through tears? What if a thousand sleepless nights Are what it takes to know You’re near? What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise?
We pray for wisdom, Your voice to hear. And we cry in anger when we cannot feel You near! We doubt Your goodness, we doubt Your love, As if every promise from Your Word is not enough. All the while, You hear each desperate plea – And long that we’d have faith to believe!
‘Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops? What if Your healing comes through tears? What if a thousand sleepless nights Are what it takes to know You’re near? And what if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise?
When friends betray us, When darkness seems to win, We know that pain reminds this heart That this is not, this is not our home! It’s not our home.
‘Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops? What if Your healing comes through tears? And what if a thousand sleepless nights Are what it takes to know You’re near?
What if my greatest disappointments, Or the aching of this life, Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can’t satisfy? And what if trials of this life – The rain, the storms, the hardest nights – Are Your mercies in disguise?